Tired.

I'm sorry I haven't been posting so much lately, other than news reports. I haven't been feeling too well lately. When it rains, it pours.

I haven't really been doing much of anything recently. Nobody's responded to my reports yet. I think I'm losing hope. I've given up on everything. I'm trying so hard to keep going, to keep fighting. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I didn't think it would be this bleak. The only response I had ever gotten was when the Lieu called me back and said he checked out the site. CJC hasn't said anything to me, FTC hasn't, FBI. Nobody.

Everything seems to be going wrong right now. Several lightbulbs in my house have gone out, my keyboard broke, my vacuum's fan belt broke. Not much to any average person, but it's like the straw that broke the camel's back to me. I just want some calm, just one day where nothing goes wrong. Am I asking too much? One day that I'm not trapped with my memories, with my knowledge.

I can understand why some people become drug addicts, become alcoholics, commit suicide. I'm too stubborn to do any of the above but, it's still in the back of my mind. It's still there, how easy it would be to lose myself in alcohol, how easy it would be to swerve my car off a cliff on my way home. It's funny, when I think about all this, it crosses my mind what people would think when they see the mess in my house. If I kill myself, people would come into my house and see it, and I couldn't handle that.

Maybe I just need a vacation.

Hope all of you are doing much better than I am.

If anything can go wrong, it will. ~Murphy's Law